Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize