Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So much rum. So many feels.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
