remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
