1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
