Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
