The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
