8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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