Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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