I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
