Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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