i just wanna soil my oats bro
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
