if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
