i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
