what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
