I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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