Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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