It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
