DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
