Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
