There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
