1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You've changed since you got that strap on
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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