I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
