On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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