Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize