my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
