Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
