Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
