You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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