4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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