It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
