A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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