he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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