Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
