I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
