this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
