dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
