That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
