"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drake has all the answers
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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