Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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