after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
