You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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