11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
