And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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