Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
