Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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