i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
