Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
