life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize