I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
