you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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