You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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