why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
