I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize