and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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