I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
