Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
