Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
