thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
