You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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