used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
