i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize