i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
