i permit you to call me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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