Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
