We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
