when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
