you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
