a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
