I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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