you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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