Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
