I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
