I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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