hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
