guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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