i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
