I skipped work to stalk him.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
