it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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