Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
