Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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