I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
