you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize