Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
