alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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