hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
