This dress was meant to end up on your floor
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
