I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
