I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
