i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
