if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
