By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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