I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
