just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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