I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Houston, we have a blender
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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