phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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