we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
