There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
