Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm too high and old for this...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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