He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
