Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
