so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
