During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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