you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
