Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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