We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
