she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
