I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
