Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
