This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
