My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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