maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize