she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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